David De Jong, of Bloomberg.com announces the news that the Koch Brothers Net Worth Tops $100 Billion as TV Warfare Escalates.
"Spread the word! Billionaires of lessor means take heart. Hope exists that if you too just work harder, and apply yourself with more discipline, your net worth could top $100 billion, as well. Or, as it happens in this case, the Koch brothers picked up a couple of extra billion dollars due to a one quarter surge in industrial production because several hundreds of millions of other Americans worked harder boosting GDP more than expected.
Charles and David Koch, the billionaire brothers who run Wichita, Kansas-based Koch Industries Inc., added $1.3 billion to their collective fortune yesterday on reports that U.S. industrial production gained more than forecast. The surge elevated their net worth to more than $100 billion, according to the Bloomberg Billionaire's Index.
The Koch brothers don't actually work, but rather contribute by being role models for poor people, to remind us of what their our lives could be like if we only were not so selfish, slovenly, and rife with character flaws, as to continue our selfish choices to be be poor, and thereby burdening the morally superior, hard working rich people with our upkeep. By a combination of virtuous living, and having the good sense to chose to be rich, rather than poor, they set fine examples for all of us by their sheer existence.
I wonder if there is any chance we could convince them to establish an educational foundation to fund a new reality channel so we could follow them around 24 hours a day, seven days a week so we could witness the level of virtue that must be involved in generating this magnitude of wealth. We might have a solution for the problem right here, folks. Perhaps, poor people can't even imagine it because some of us just haven't seen it before. I'd like to watch them sleep to see what it looks like to make $5 million while you are sleeping for six hours. This might be the very thing that would make me want to work harder to support such a wonderful system as such as we have that could create such an astonishing feat. (Sarcastic undertones alert!)
Oh, yes I forgot to tell you one of the other ways the Koch brothers help our America, so I shouldn't be saying they aren't actually working. They also give out vast sums of money to convert democracy to oligarchy. Sorry, I sort of drifted off for a moment while suckling on the tits of the vast welfare state that is America. (Double Metaphorical Allusion Alert: "You'll have to pry my cold dead fingers of my guns," - Charelton Heston, and "Suckling on the Welfare "teets" - Paul Ryan: Caution: This is only a Metaphor Kids - Responsible progressive writers like The HoundDog do not Write Under he Influence, WUI, Also, do not try Double Mixed Metaphors at home or in school - HoundDog is a trained professional.) Back to our story, dang, this working can be so distracting for us poor, bad people. Why are we like this?
The Koch’s ascent comes as Freedom Partners, one of their fundraising networks, last week aired its first batch of television ads targeted at this year’s U.S. Senate races, including commercials knocking Democratic Senator Mark Udall of Colorado and Representative Bruce Braley of Iowa for supporting President Barack Obama’s health-care law.
“The Koch brothers are pouring millions into this,” Chris Harris, a campaign spokesman for Senator Udall, said in an e-mail yesterday. “They’re only fighting for their own interests, not Coloradans’. Mark Udall has a long record of fighting for the middle class and stops at nothing to protect Colorado’s special way of life.”
And, one of the most important aspects of Colorado's "special way of life," would seem to be having 46 million plus poor and middle class Americans, and their children, not have health insurance.
The Koch brothers are funding a large and escalating TV ad war intervening in the Iowa and Colorado political contests to throw out Democrats, and those left leaning RINO Republicans who don't fully embrace the true conservative agenda. One of their political action groups called Americans for Prosperity is specially targeting Democratic candidates who supported the Affordable Care Act.
To understand more about the messages these billions are buying, let's watch as James Davis, a spokesperson for Freedom Partners ays.
“These professional politicians claim to be standing up against health insurance companies while pocketing money from their political action committees and company executives ... It’s hypocritical -- while health insurance companies stand to see massive financial gains from the health-care law, the rest of America is left paying the bill.”
Dang, we're going to have to work harder fellow Democrats. Now that Governor Chris Christie true character has been successful exposed to the American people and we can put aside any more talk of his possibly beating Hillary Clinton, Senators Elizabeth Warren, or Bernie Sanders or whomever should turn out to be Democratic nominee, I was planning to go back on vacation which I haven't really fully enjoyed after burning myself out on the 2012 election.
In fact, my plan had been to take off until 2016 and let some of you younger Democrat pick up the torch and burden of fighting these eternal election battles. After a quick pre-departure survey of the landscape, however, my fear is we may need all the troops we have on the front line fighting what almost be a lost stand for the America values and constitutional form of government that we have evolved, and that once was such an inspiration to so many around the world.
Maybe it still is, I haven't really heard a whole lot from my friends around the world once word got out that the NSA has been recording every single word of every single phone call, text message, and email. I've known this for a very long time. The CIA has had this responsibility since I can remember, but they used to be discrete about it.
Whatever that's a different story. I hate to say this but some of us who were hoping to be lazy may just have to look to these Koch brothers as inspiration for why we should choose to be hard working, good rich people, rather than lazy, bad, poor people. (Humor alert.)
Time to get to work folks. The party is over. You've had your fun. Election time is coming and our opposition is already in high gear spending the big bucks. What are we going to do to respond?
7:09 AM PT: Made minor clean up edits when post made rec list., and moved first quote up three paragraphs.
I made a promise to myself if the average number of recs and comments received for posting falls below the total number of minutes I put into writing posts for more than 5 in a row, I'd find a different hobby and way of contributing to progressive causes. Expected response to my attempts as mixing humor and reporting real news, in this case with sarcastic undertones has been so poor I didn't expect more than 15 responses. Thanks for the encouragement. These are my favorite kind of articles to write, but usually are totally rejected here to the point I have "Bob Johnson Envy." so bad I almost prematurely withdrew from this whole blogging thing. It's really hard to stay motivated when the community comes down so hard on ones every comic effort. Thanks for this exception.