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Time Magazine hosted it's annual Time 100 Gala on Tuesday night to honor Time's 100 Most Influential People for 2012.  This year Time broke the diverse group of honorees into five catagories: Breakouts, Pioneers, Moguls, Leaders and Icons.  Among those honored were Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Jeremy Lin, Barack Obama, Salman Kahn, Viola Davis, Louis, CK, Chelsea Handler, Marco Rubio, and Anthony Kennedy.

The highlight of the evening was the roast by Stephen Colbert.  No one was exempt from Colberts' attentions it would seem, from his play on the Sandra Fluke incident, where he referred to Chelsea Handler as, "tramp, gutter skank,... feminist icon."  Both Fluke and Handler were Time 100 honorees.  He also gave a shout out to Louis C.K., telling him that God would "like to you masturbate less, or at least stop talking about it publically.  You have children.  Okay, would you think about it?  Okay."  And, of honoree David Koch, "Sure, he's all for buying the elections, but when the bill for democracy comes up, Dave's always in the men's room.  I'm sorry, I must have left Wisconsin in my other coat."

But, he saved his really top shelf stuff for honoree Timothy Cardinal Dolan, Archbishop of New York's Roman Catholic Church.  

Also, Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke is here tonight.  Also an instant, instant feminist icon.  Famously tested, testified before Congress, that Georgetown, a Catholic institution,should be required to provide insurance coverage for her birth control.

Now, TIME 100 honoree, his eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan disagrees -- sir, lovely to see you again.

Of course, now some, some critics have said in response to this that if the Catholic church's insurance does not cover Sandra Fluke's birth control, it shouldn't cover Cardinal Dolan's Viagra.

Oh, no, no, no.  Oh, no, no, no, that's called celibacy plus.  That's how the pros do it.  Because chastity is one thing, but it shows true commitment to uphold your vows when you are sporting a crook you could hang a lighter on.  Oh, wow, see you at mass on Sunday, sir?

I hope he doesn't become Pope.

I'm a Catholic, it's okay.  I go to confession, it will be fine.  Thank you.

And, later...
But perhaps the most influential person on the list is here, Sara Blakely.  The inventor of the Spanx.  Give it up.

No one, no one has done more to control women's bodies, except maybe Cardinal Dolan.

Cardinal, congratulations, sir, you are afeminist icon.

And congratulations to you, Mr. Colbert, for once again reminding us why you should be nominated as one of the 100 most influential people in the world.  A keen understanding of the issues and a quick whit can often serve to educate while highlighting others weaknesses.  Plus humor and satire, when done well - and Colbert's one of the best - can be oh so entertaining!

Originally posted to Gertie Green on Wed Apr 25, 2012 at 08:05 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA.

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